Chauvinism or Common Sense?

WARNING! The following is a now unacceptable mishmash of chauvinism not easily tolerated by the timid mind vis-à-vis the requirements of diversity, which is the latest inhabitant to take up residence on Mt. Olympus, designated as the god-of-lunacy, that deity to which one may apply for deliverance from the horrors of unisex, now seen most prominently in the world of sports, including both those activities conducted according to the rules and the others, by far the majority.

It had to happen, not least because of Title 9, which changed the nature of the games forever, putting men in their place as unmercifully as a female divorce lawyer does in baring her teeth and all but masticating the poor male caught in her grasp. What happened, you ask? Women have invaded and will soon take over all sports enterprises in the land.

It started (not counting the redistribution to women of sports-department wealth on college/university campuses a few years back) when the gals demanded and, of course, received permission to invade male locker-rooms and interview players, thus invading their privacy amidst the smell of sweat and various liniments and the raucous remarks in the locker-room, known as the “land of the four-letter-word”…all while being sure to be properly ogled by players and TV-viewers, actually the main reason for the whole enterprise.

The big thing on campus is having lady managers for the men’s teams. Are there any male students as managers for the women’s teams? Surely not! They couldn’t lay their hands on the women. These girls are at the beck-and-call of the players and coaches, making one wonder if they have some kind of reverse-discrimination hang-up. This was never the case back in the day when men enjoyed camaraderie, the guys taking care of each other.

The lady reporters, all attractive, of course (eat your heart out, Brent Musburger), now roam the sidelines at football games to report instantaneously the grief being felt by any player traumatized by an injury or a personal problem like handling a (gasp) DUI charge. The zaniest thing, however, is the on-field halftime and game-end interviews with coaches, who have obviously been told to cooperate or else. They usually say something of magnificent wisdom like “my guys are getting beat,” and the lady interviewer treats it as something straight from…where else…Mt. Olympus, or maybe the Oracle at Delphi.

The most recent aggravation, however, is the lady play-by-play announcer or analyst, who seems to be connecting a teleprompter reading with each play and pitter-patter concerning same. The gals have never seriously played football so they understandably need help, but one hopes they will not get passionate about the action, in which case they sound like the proverbial fishwife. The ladies do play basketball and have some knowledge of the sport, but who wants to announce a women’s basketball game?

The NFL admitted it needed help when it allowed employment (or coercion) of scantily-clad “cheerleaders,” adding a bit of cheesecake to the game in case the guys get bored during the endless commercial “timeouts.” But everyone knows that has nothing to do with sports, just entertainment, so the ladies, who seem to be stopping by on their way to their regular jobs at strip joints, supply the ogling material. This also explains why the attendance is 100% for the Olympic “sport” of beach-volleyball, wherein the ladies cavort in their bikinis in the sand, even if the nearest beach is a thousand miles away. Women’s mud-wrestling will probably be next…all those clinging clothes!

Is nothing sacred anymore? The ladies do the newspaper sports-pages and write about things of which they can have little or no been-there/done-that knowledge. Okay…it’s a discrimination thing, as played out in Augusta National finally having to admit a couple of unwelcome women into membership. But it stinks, just like it stank when the social engineers insisted on integrated boot camps in the military. There are “guy” things and “gal” things, but today there are only “unisex” things, never mind that women and men are not the same biologically or emotionally or athletically. The boot camps had to be re-segregated for obvious reasons, but sports integration, unfortunately, is here to stay.

Then, there are the men who coach women’s teams and, in the vein of this subject matter, should bug out. There must be women who coach men’s teams but none readily come to mind. When the guy pats his point-guard on the derriere and sends her into the game he’s out of line, and his wife probably thinks so, too, although the money involved can look mighty good. The girls basketball coach at the University of Kentucky knocks down a cool $750,000 a year, while an associate professor might make about $50,000.

Women should coach women and men should coach men, and never the twain should meet, just as they should never meet on a battlefield. The same goes for the referees and the umpires. Nothing looks sillier than a 5-2, 110-pound woman referee staring up a 7-foot power-forward, or a 6-6 male referee staring down a 5-2 lady guard.

Okay…you were warned…call me a chauvinist! The women may have a bit of catching-up to do, but they should bust the glass backboard and take care of their own business and stop whining about equal opportunity. Nothing is equal in sports; otherwise, there would be no game.