Reid's Rant


[Memo to all Democrat Senators/staffers from office of Senate Minority Leader Reid]

***There is a great deal of resentment being unfairly directed toward me from fellow Senate democrats account my support of Harriet Miers for the SCOTUS. In the last democrat caucus it was explained fully that Ms. Miers could be expected to be the court’s female David Souter within a short time, changing her expressed views on everything from eminent domain peculiarities to abortion. Democrats who charged that Ms. Miers was not experientially or intellectually or academically or judicially qualified did not and do not understand that none of these things mattered, particularly that of intellect, since they proved that idiots can be elected to the Senate. In inveighing against Ms. Miers, the rabid, religious, republican right was being seen as the Huns of old, led by their modern-day Attila – Dobson – and were scaring the country into believing that the Baptists were at the gates, threatening to preserve fetuses and denying the right of men to marry men. In other words, the apostles of Roy Moore were making the democrat case. Now, with the nomination of Alito, there is a genuinely serious threat that the nation will be turned into an actual product of the Constitution, and this bodes ill for the democrats. So…thanks for nothing, Meatheads.

***Word has been passing through the Capitol corridors and much of the nation’s media to the effect that I threw a temper tantrum on the first when I motioned the Senate into executive session, and there have even been some conservative talk-show morons claiming that I may have been on something, one even accusing me of mistaking toadstools for mushrooms at lunch and thereby losing sanity. Reportedly, even a democrat senator, who shall remain unnamed – at least for now – suggested that my opening statement regarding a letter from my son that plunged me into despair reminded him of Jimmy Carter’s asking his daughter Amy about using atomic weapons. Some have asked me why I mentioned Katrina in what I said was an effort to get the Senate Intelligence Committee to do something about Phase II of the inquiry into the operations of the CIA and other intelligence agencies prior to the Iraqi fiasco. I mentioned Katrina because the slogan at the MILLIONS MORE MOVEMENT on Oct. 15 was Remember New Orleans, so Katrina was mentioned to keep the African-American vote. Also, in his funeral oration at Rosa Parks’ funeral in Detroit on Nov. 2, the Rev. Jesse Jackson called Alito an anti-Rosa Parks judge, and mentioned President Bush’s letting the dead flow through the New Orleans river(s), so I was in good company alluding to Katrina. I was perfectly aware that the Phase II talks are scheduled to be finished some time next week, and that the full report of Phase I has already resulted in huge changes in Homeland Security, but I could think of no other excuse for doing something to get the public’s mind off Alito, as well as off the fact that Fitzgerald did not get a thing on either Cheney or Rove, even after two years of digging. As minority leader, I am supposed to conduct the collective spin of the party in the Senate. In any case, I certainly did not have a temper tantrum, and I won’t have one again.

***It has been reliably reported that SCOTUS nominee Alito’s 92-year-old mother has said that he is against abortion. This theme has been seized upon by democrats, the mainstream media, and women’s groups throughout the nation as the one best suited to defeat Alito in the Senate. When using this theme in speeches, press conferences, etc., please do not mention that all the justices have an opinion about abortion, as a personal matter, just as do all senators and everyone else in the country. Alito will claim during the Judiciary Committee hearings that personal opinion will not cloud his thinking on any matter and that he will express none, just as was the case with Chief Justice Roberts. However, fight this assertion by accusing him of nay-saying his own mother and therefore showing disrespect, such disloyalty being intolerable in a sitting judge. Please be advised that I have suggested to democrats on the Judiciary Committee that they have no documents before them during the hearings if Alito has no documents before him, as was the case with Roberts. Whereas the senators arrived with documents, notebooks, writing instruments, and a bevy of aides to whisper important things in their ears, Roberts read no statements, made no notes, brought with him not one scrap of paper, printed or blank. His only prop was a glass of water. He dialogued with the senators hour upon hour about everything, referring to multitudes of cases from memory, while his interrogators sometimes frantically looked for those all important documents and memos that would surely spell doom for the nomination. In other words, Roberts made them look silly, and we don’t need that again. On TV, Senators Leahy, Kennedy, Biden, Schumer, and Durbin appeared as unprepared high-school sophomores headed for study-hall detention after school. I have also warned Biden and Durbin not to ask the nominee to speak from his heart, as they asked Roberts, since the heart is not mentioned in the Constitution and some republican wags have suggested that if he speaks from his heart he must also speak from his gall bladder and appendix if he has one, in order not to discriminate against body parts.

***Caution: Use common sense if you quote any of the Rev. Jackson’s funeral eulogy, mentioned above. Jackson connected Rosa Parks’ actions with the success of the University of Alabama football team, among others, and quoted the biblical book of Micah with respect to God’s dissatisfaction with folks simply making offerings to Him, probably another way to say folks should be active…walk the talk. The last verse of chapter six indicates that a person should act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God. Perhaps it would be better not to mention Jackson’s remarks at all, except for maybe in California and Massachusetts, since people may still remember that Jackson plundered his own Rainbow-Push organization for what seems a bit questionable, even sinful in some circles – $40,000 to relocate his mistress to California, $3,000 a month for support of her and his-her child, and $365,000 to buy her a house. Also, it might be thought in some places that Jackson turned the funeral into a political rally like Senator Harkin did at Senator Wellstone’s funeral in 2002, exhibiting a vocal exercise that might have been the model for the DEAN SCREAM introduced by the DNC chair in Harkin’s state last year.

***Without question, Rosa Parks was one of the ten most important Americans of the 20th century, so make this point at every opportunity, regardless of the efforts of some to use her death to preach hate.