From the office of the chairperson, 26 May 2017
IMPORTANT NOTICE: Senator Durbin has been cadging TV-time in the capitol again (almost as much as republican charlatan Senators McCain and Graham), thus suggesting attention to his effort, with the collusion of former POTUS Obama and Senator Reid (perhaps suffering mid-life crises—little joke there), to lock Senator Burris, appointed to Obama's vacated Senate seat in 2009, out of his office (some claim even the restroom, too) and out of the Senate Chamber. Though well-documented, all three have denied this and said they would never do anything like that again. DO NOT—repeat...DO NOT mention these three names in any red/yellow/black/white-papers prepared for any senate staffer or lobbyist, no matter his/her degree of ignorance, account bad PR for the party. Also, feel free to trip any of them if you see them chasing TV-newsies and camera-people or photographers to stage free interviews. The DNC will cover any injuries to them but not you, so be careful.
***While campaigning with Senator Sanders recently somewhere in California (Governor Moonbeam's state—little joke there), I was informed by a DNC whistle-blower (name not given for obvious reasons) that there has been grumbling around the Bush Dart-Board, now located by the condom- & salt-sugar-lactose-peanut-caffeine-chocolate-free candy/drink-machine, that my effort with Bernie is heretical if not sinful since he admits to being a socialist, not a democrat. Regardless of Hillary's similar status, this is not true and a staffer will be handsomely rewarded for writing a red/yellow/black/white-paper proving why it isn't. For suggestions, contact Donna Brazile or Congressperson Wasserman-Schultz, recognized for their mental acuity, notwithstanding the events connected to the 2016 convention/CNN-debate.
***Be careful not to make too much of General Flynn possibly taking the Fifth since Hillary's computer partners-in-crime did the same, not to mention the IRS lady. Remember: POTUS is not Obama and Lynch is not AG so the fix is not in for heavy criticism. Also, use no pictures in visuals showing Trump shaking hands with the Saudi gang recently instead of bowing before them like POTUS Obama did in 2009. This is not even to mention the possibility of both Lynch and Hillary being forced to do the same (the Fifth cop-out) when the big hearings start and the rubber hits the road. Attorney General Sessions might have stupidly (as it turns out) recused himself from the Russian Roulette circus but that does not deter any action concerning Hillary, whom former FBI Director Comey declared under oath to have committed perjury, obviously premeditatively lying under oath.
***It’s okay to slam Trump for his meeting with the Pope since the two can’t stand each other over things like walls against immigrants, which the Pope said are un-Christian making Trump a hypocrite, and climate change, although be careful not to indicate that the Pope, being infallible and keeper of the truth, nevertheless does not actually claim that he can change the weather, much less the climate. Also, don’t mention the priesthood over which the Pope rules since pedophilia is a no-no in most civilized societies, as well as homosexuality, which the Pope seems about to embrace as normal. Remember that the Romans have the largest denomination in the U.S. and it’s largely made up of democrats. Never mention transgenders and it’s not okay to inveigh against abortion since maybe the majority of Catholic women, like most women, stand for the woman’s right to protect her body, code for ridding it of an inconvenient adjunct like a bad appendix or tonsil or fetus.
***Be careful about mentioning the collusion between the Trump-gang and the Russians to get Trump elected, at least for now since all election officials have insisted ad nauseam that the balloting in November was simon-pure and not affected by any outside influences. A raise will be awarded to anyone submitting a red/white/black/yellow-paper explaining how the Russians managed to hack into the voting machines/booths/ballot-boxes to defeat Hillary; however, do not mention that Putin was actually trying to get Hillary elected as payback for her well-publicized interference in his presidential election a while back and was even considering a tarmac tete-a-tete between Medvedev and U.S. AG Lynch, with Bubba thrown in for good measure, somewhere in the Crimea.
***In light of the Manchester-suicide-bombing, do not mention immigration in any town-hall meeting even though the bomber was home-grown, not some émigré from the Libyan al Qaeda. POTUS Trump has been right on this subject but try to call that tragedy a man-caused disaster, not terrorism (especially NOT Islamic terrorism), with a view toward enticing Obama, who made that important distinction, into the organizing trenches he knows so well. It’s already late to start the 2018 campaigns in the hope of turning the House so Trump can be impeached. Also, any sighting of Obama will be appreciated.
And so it goes.