DNC Memorandum #4

[Office of Doctor/Chairman Howard Dean]

* In the interest of reaching out to our southern brothers and sisters (note: this terminology to be used occasionally to indicate emphasis on family values), I have made a swing through the red states of the south, as most of you know. I was well received, not least because I used a pickup with a rifle-rack in the back of the cab for transportation, and I recommend that all DNC workers who can afford it do the same. Also, I had had my researchers make an in-depth study of NASCAR and was able to reel off names and statistics covering at least the last ten years. Caution: Stock-car enthusiasts are rabid fans of particular drivers, so be careful not to badmouth any driver or even a pit crew until discovering where a group’s/individual’s loyalty lies. I attended one revival service in a Southern Baptist Church and, while I have no idea what the second blessing is, discovered that such participation in this quaint activity is practically divinely ordained…also guaranteed to impress voters by exhibiting personal piety. I was careful in every speech to strongly advocate strict attention to the Ten Commandments and am suggesting that workers, especially college volunteers, read Exodus 20 and Romans 1 and quote former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore at every opportunity. Do not – repeat – do not badmouth Moore, anywhere. He is a West Point graduate and former company commander in Vietnam and has the bona fides to make a criticizer look silly.

* Another word of caution: Do not – repeat – do not discuss the NCAA basketball championship in Illinois. There has been a misconception relating to alleged democratic approval of the Tarheels accruing to the fact that some democratic workers have lauded North Carolina for its victory over the Illini, the team representing a dyed-in-the-wool blue state, one of only a few – let’s face it – so do nothing to diminish the importance of Illinois, whose voters, both alive and dead, are badly needed, especially those who vote in multiple precincts. In the South, this does not apply, and any approval of the Tarheels can only help, but be careful about linking sports in the Southeastern Conference with academics, since it is a given that athletes are not required to graduate – ever, though most are required to know the name of the school they attend. An interview with any slam-dunk All-American is like gold at the ballot box, since these guys are thought to approach divinity, so be sure to mention Howard Dean in every conversation, thus reminding the viewers/listeners of the proper party you represent, for votes.

* Workers are advised to maintain strict neutrality with respect to the individuals who are gearing up their campaigns for both 2006 and 2008, either for congressional seats or the presidency. Sudden shifts in philosophy are in process now by some candidates, but these shifts are to be understood within the political context and not to be taken seriously. Senator Clinton is moving away from the Michael Moore/CBS/NOW/MoveOnOrg positions on most things now, especially the Iraq War, but do not badmouth her in any interviews or speeches. I will speak to her directly about these sudden changes and warn about the damage that can be done to the party through divisiveness. John Kerry has been on C-Span (covering Senate nominee-hearings) putting the arm on the latest Bush nominees, and I will speak to him about the transparency of acting presidential. John Edwards has been doing his thing (even blogging) and was lately in Lexington, Ky., a fellow tobacco state to his North Carolina (guilt by association), and is teaching somewhere, though I’ve warned him about being too visible, especially chasing ambulances in the latest craze – suing food companies for aiding and abetting in causing obesity, especially among schoolchildren. I haven’t located Al Gore, and that’s a good sign.

* Everyone is asked to make no comments about the Terri Schiavo matter, especially since the Bushies and the Limbaugh crowd have made democrats look bad…even the Congress has made democrats look like the party of Kevorkian, a mad bunch of euthanasia loonies abetted by activist judges. Everyone has his/her own opinion, but the opposition has made points in accusing democrats of wanting to starve Schiavo to protect Roe vs. Wade while screaming for the doctors to keep Pope John Paul alive even if he devolved into a vegetative state, which he didn’t. As a doctor, I took an oath to preserve life, but the term life is relative. If pinned by anybody on this question, just let that be the answer.

* The “talking points” item prepared and distributed with the sure conviction that Bush would not attend the Pope’s funeral was unfortunate, not to mention the fact that Bush enhanced his Catholic following by appearing in Rome. As you know, the item was designed for criticizing him for not going. This is noteworthy because he received the Catholic vote last year, so we must work hard to get it back. Do not – repeat – do not respond to any remarks or questions about Bill Clinton’s statement regarding the Pope having a “mixed legacy.” If that subject arises, do not – repeat – do not bring up the subject of Reagan with the inference that he shared a “mixed legacy” with John Paul in freeing eastern Europe and dissolving the Soviet Union. Americans still love Reagan. Everyone who passes-on has a “mixed legacy.” Even I may have a “mixed legacy,” although that is hard to imagine. Also, the “talking points” criticism of Bush for not rushing to Red Lake, Minnesota, in the high school shooting there is now obsolete…forget it. The pictures of the president taking it easy on the ranch in Crawford during that matter backfired, since one of them showed an elephant munching on hay in a corral, a shot taken on Clinton’s “apology trip” to Africa and mistakenly put in the DNC brochure and newspaper ads. Apologies all around for this.

* A word of warning regarding this quote by Senator Biden in the recent Senate hearing regarding the Gonzales nomination for Attorney General: “We're looking for candor, old buddy.” I’ve been aware that some of you have taken to referring to the senator as Buddy Biden. Be advised that this is disrespectful and that no one should be referred to as buddy. The senator had simply had a long day. Also, anyone referring to the senator’s plagiarism of a speech or speeches during his 1988 run for the presidential nomination will be terminated immediately. If that matter is brought up in light of this “candor” question, simply ignore it.

* Note: The wording of this memo is red as a reminder of the war with the red party.