From the office of Chair, Democratic National Committee
***A white paper will soon be forthcoming that will outline plans for the campaign against Judge Samuel Alito, the latest of President Bush’s nominees to the SCOTUS. It must be admitted that the celebration by some staffers at the D.C. Headquarters occasioned by the withdrawal of Harriet Miers from SCOTUS consideration and the indictment of Lewis Libby in the Valerie Plame affair was ill-advised, not least because Miers was thought by Senate minority leader Reid to be the next David Souter and it has now been revealed that Bob Woodward of the Washington Post has testified that Plame’s identity had already been given him two years ago by a high White House head honcho. Since Libby was not indicted for outing Plame and Woodward is claiming source-confidentiality – plus the fact that he never outed her, in the first place – everyone is advised to be wary of using Woodward in all propaganda efforts, no matter how great the temptation. It must be remembered that Woodward claimed to have visited former CIA Director William Casey on his deathbed, notwithstanding all the reasons given by the people closest to Casey that this didn’t happen, consequently, his credibility is now totally defunct, his own paper reprimanding him for withholding what it considered the most important news of the 21st century, bar none – that a Bush appointee had committed treason. All of this is mentioned so that everyone will be ready to receive the position paper on Alito describing him as the next Heinrich Himmler bent upon proving that the expulsion of a fetus is the same as the expulsion of an appendix, since neither one can vote.
***Mention was made in DNC Memorandum #11 of the MILESTONE recently passed accruing to the two-thousandth death of an American GI in Iraq. It must be admitted, in the interest of not committing plagiarism and as demanded by Senator Biden, that the term MILESTONE was borrowed from the ABC Evening News alluding to that death. Senator Biden, who has already announced for the presidency campaign in 2008, lost out in a similar effort in 1988 because of his plagiarizing of some Irish politician’s speeches, and made it plain in a memo to the Chair that he would disrupt this committee if it indulged in plagiarism. The term milestone is operative because, as ballyhooed by the mainstream media, it proves that the inescapable murder of young Americans did not keep George Bush from lying about reasons for invading Iraq. As you know, the current campaign against the administration by the DNC and mainstream media, the DNC’s propaganda arm, is keyed on the “president lied” theme; however, when using this effective tool do not – repeat – do not mention the vote in Congress on the war, since it was 296-133 in the House and 77-23 in the Senate, the obvious overwhelming support by democrats being obvious. Instead, make the point that Karl Rove might have or could have or thought about or considered that every generation needed a good war, and that one in Iraq was a good place because the land is flat there except in the northeastern portion. As Rush Limbaugh correctly pointed out recently, the war must be lost if democrats are to be successful next year, so work toward the lie theme and get as many congress-people as possible to demand immediate withdrawal of Americans from Iraq, since, if they stay, there will be a victory of some kind.
***It was mentioned in the previous memo that a study/seminar is being considered in an effort to help people find their identities, the latest requirement leading to psychological normalcy as noted by the DNC’s committee on diversity, multiculturalism, and gender-specific reality. In the process, Senator Jeffords, the best-known party-switcher in the nation, has been asked to organize this effort, since he discovered only a few days after being elected as a republican in Vermont that he actually was a democrat and outed himself, giving Senator Daschle (RIP politically) two important years to remain majority leader, thus saving the nation from the ravages to be wrought by a Senate republican majority until 2003. Since African-Americans and the gay/lesbian outfits have been complaining lately that the party takes them for granted, it is felt that this effort will satisfy their need to be appreciated and stroked occasionally. It is also important because in many states there have been successful constitutional referendums denying men the right to marry men. Also, the new slogan for the black community, as noted before, is now REMEMBER NEW ORLEANS. This slogan grew out of the recent Millions More Movement in Washington headed by the Right Reverend Honorable Distinguished Minister Louis Farrakhan of the Nation of Islam, who claims he has proof that the levees holding back Lake Pontchartrain were dynamited on the orders of Vice President Cheney and the Klegal Cyklops of the Louisiana Ku Klux Klan. Caution: Do not mention Nation of Islam when discussing Farrakhan; rather, refer to him as a man of the cloth, and, upon pain of immediate dismissal, do not refer to him as Calypso Louie.
***With respect to New Orleans, the bad news is that 39% of the evacuees occasioned by Katrina have vowed not to return to that city, but have elected to stay in their new locations, where there are schools and the government is paying the rent, handing out food stamps, and otherwise making it unnecessary to work. The good news is that NO is being taken over by Mexicans, who may not be legal but don’t mind working for $16 per hour cleaning up the mess or living in squalid circumstances. Thus, one of the party’s most loyal populations is being replaced by traditional democrats, although George Bush speaks Spanish, thus being appealing to them, and lets them cross the border wherever they can. This being the case, an effort is being designed to get all the Mexicans in NO registered to vote. There may be problems since perhaps most of them are illegal, so be careful. If you haven’t already, try to develop a taste for tortillas instead of gumbo, as you’ve been instructed to do with regard to hominy and grits in the southern states. Instead of talking about Mardi Gras, which is now a thing of the past, pick out a Mexican holiday and use it to make yourselves acceptable to the new occupants. Refrain from mentioning that the crime rate has gone up in Houston and Baton Rouge, for obvious reasons. The effort is being made in both of those cities to track down evacuees and help them understand the real enemy is FEMA and that they should get registered as soon as possible. Pay attention to only those in the jails who will be out in time to vote next November.
***Please note that the type is RED, the better to help us focus on the enemy, the red states. A new slogan for the party is being considered, and all suggestions will be welcome. Michael Moore has promised to use it in his new movie, Centigrade 4000, extolling the virtues of being illegal in Texas, though this is under discussion.