How the Devil Took Massachusetts

One wonders why some of the strangest things happen in Massachusetts – senators named Kennedy and Kerry, for instance, or men marrying each other – and tries to determine why. Perhaps there’s a clue. Adopted in 1780, this is part of the Preamble to the Constitution of Massachusetts: “We, therefore, the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging, with grateful hearts, the goodness of the great Legislator of the universe … and devoutly imploring His direction in so interesting a design, do agree upon, ordain and establish the following Declaration of Rights, and Frame of Government, as the Constitution of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.”

By contrast, this is the Preamble to the Kentucky Constitution, adopted at its last revision in 1891: “We, the people of the Commonwealth of Kentucky, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy, and invoking the continuance of these blessings, do ordain and establish this Constitution.”

A look at preambles to the constitutions of the other states will reveal allusions to God, Creator, Ruler, Sovereign Ruler, Supreme Ruler, Almighty God, Supreme being, Divine Guidance, etc., as the exclusive power behind the existence of the states, as well as the rest of the world and, actually, the universe.

This is the pertinent part of the U.S. Declaration of Independence: “When in the Course of human Events … the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them … We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights … .” While the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution does not refer specifically to God, it flows from this document, which unmistakably does.

Well…so what! Item: whereas the founding fathers in the other states recognized God (unmistakably the Judeo-Christian God) as the Creator and Ultimate Power, those in Massachusetts conceived of God as the Legislator of the universe. Imagine that! They thought God didn’t create the universe; rather, that he took a vote, presumably among whatever other celestial beings were there at the time, and compromised on legislation for 12 states that mistakenly thought God, instead of being majority leader, was actually the President…and the thirteenth state, Massachusetts, which knew better.

This may explain some things. Biblically, Satan (maybe thought by John Adams to be a Tory) is described as at one time being in the presence of God, with the name of Lucifer. Described by the psalmist as the “morning star” and “son of the dawn,” he must have been quite charismatic – enough to form a following – and apparently attempted a takeover of the universe from God (a sort of celestial coup) and wound up being thrown to earth for his trouble. He landed, of course, in the utopian Garden of Eden, now known as Abu Ghraib, the cesspool of Baghdad.

Satan didn’t know a good thing from a hole in the ground, so he attempted his revenge by deceiving Eve and Adam (untraditional order of names demanded by political correctness to recognize Eve’s independence in biting first) into thinking they could outsmart God and take over what Satan couldn’t. As a result – when E & A opted for Satan’s way – all three of them were thrown from the garden, with Lucifer doomed to eat dust until he and his cohorts finally made it to hell.

After crawling/searching around for nearly 5,800 years in order to settle in a place that didn’t recognize God as anything special, Satan found Massachusetts, which considered God as a mere legislator, and knew he had found a home, since the state’s Preamble also indicated the founders thought God hadn’t made the state at all, but had only looked at an interesting design apparently prepared by a superior force. He proceeded to infiltrate the judiciary just as he had infiltrated the garden and ultimately affected the interesting design by convincing the judiciary to establish homosexual marriage as normal, thus savaging Eve-and-Adam (God’s plan) and making Adam-and-Adam, his plan, the quintessential tour de force of the ages.

Actually, Satan/Lucifer had always preferred Ireland, but couldn’t live where snakes weren’t/aren’t allowed and loved Massachusetts even more when the Irish left the snake-less Emerald Isle in droves, invaded Boston, put the Pilgrims and Puritans out of business, and took over the state. The Boston Tea Party made the difference in 1773, but today the difference belongs to a snake in the grass.