Obama & Debate-Rehearsal

It’s ten p.m. at Andrews Air Force Base and President Obama is rehearsing for the 03 October debate, with Senator Kerry as the Romney Stand-in and Vice President Biden and Press apparatchik Jay Carney as coaches, the four hereinafter referenced as O, K, B and C, respectively.

**K: Why have this session here at Andrews at this unearthly hour? Teresa and I were just having dinner…French this time, with escargot and candle-light and…
**C: The commander-in-chief stays here uh, uh, quite a bit, Senator, since he spends er, uh, part of every day on Air Force One and may need at any time to take off for a speech-making event…anywhere in the world. He’d be leaving right uh, uh, now if he were speaking in London tomorrow morning.
**B: Makes sense there, Jay, buddy, gotta be prepared to move on that four-letter-word “fly.” Beats stayin’ in this #%^&*%# D.C. every day!
**K: Or was that escargot or maybe crevette with beurre blanc sauce or…oh, I see, perfectly understandable, Mr. President. I knew the advantages of being ready to move quickly, like that Christmas in Cambodia back in ’70 or maybe ’69…or was it Thailand…
**B: And then that big trip to Paree to save the world while old McCain was dodging the rats in the Hanoi Hilton…hoo-hah! (Kerry glares)
**O: H-m-m-m-m. Cool it, Joe. Glad you guys could make it, so let’s…
**K: Well, you might have spared using a Marine detachment, Barry…is it okay if I call you Barry? I mean I would have come if just asked over the phone. Scared Teresa into swallowing a bunch of…
**B: Snails, John, hahahahaha? Just a greasy french-fry – no pun intended – makes me gag. Of all people, you oughtta understand, John, with your military background and all those purple hearts. Did you actually lose a whole half-day of duty because of serious wounds?
**C: Gentlemen, uh, uh, debate host Jim Lehrer has said the debate will uh, uh, take up the economy, health-care and the role of governement so uh, uh, here’s his first question: “Why not just print money instead of all this uh, er, haggling over the national debt?
**B: Sheesh! How did Lehrer get that job? He’s way too #%$^&*# conservative…all that PBS stuff about fair play…even fired old Juan Williams, our kinda guy and just accused ’im of tellin’ the truth.
**K: Well…as the South found out with all that Confederate…
**O: You some kinda crazy, John. That’s racist.
**K: Of course it is, Barry. Remember, I’m Ryan…no, wait, I’m Romney so I’m expecting him to…
**C: Senator, there’s no way Romney would uh, er, say that…maybe Monopoly money but not…
**O: Just remember, I got Osama, and the economy’s a better place now and…
**C: Uh, uh, with all due respect C-in-C, what does that have to do with…
**O: Nothing, of course! The best debater skillfully changes the subject, especially if he hasn’t a clue about the question. Even Greenspan and Andrea couldn’t answer that with a straight face.
**B: Yeah, ol’ Alan threw up his hands and said he didn’t know how we got in this #%$&^*# mess. Hoo-hah! But ya gotta come up with somethin better than that, Barack.
**O: Naw…I read the book. Make a lie big enough and tell it often enough and…
**K: Voila! I remember…it was escargot…or was that day before yesterday with red wine? Okay, let’s make it Monopoly money, so maybe Romney would say something like “You can’t just keep printing money because it gradually or even rapidly loses its value.”
**O: It does? H-m-m-m-m, in that case, just break out the old worldwide credit card and…
**B: Great answer there, buddy Barry. That would be a #%&^$*# big deal. That’s the American way and ya gotta appeal to Americans in this election, doncha know? Let Romney appeal to the republicans.
**O: Or…I could say that it’s about time we taxed all that offshore money that Romney and…
**K: What! Are you nuts…(calms), meaning no respect, of course, but a lot of your biggest fundraisers wouldn’t even want Romey – or especially you – to bring up that subject.
**B: And especially you, Johnny boy…with you and Teresa practically owning #%&^$*# Aruba, oh hahahahaha, (quiets)…better check with Dr. Jill to see if…
**O: Yeah, I’d better check with my accountant since I know I got royalties stashed somewhere…I just don’t know where. How about if I say we oughtta soak the rich, especially since we sorta have our stash stashed in super-stash-land, so to speak, where it can’t be touched?
**C: Uh, er, that’s always a safe bet, just soak the er, uh, rich, or, er, uh, er, uh…
**B: You mean the rich that’s not set up on Aruba, huh, Jay, huh, huh, huh…JAY!
**C: (puzzled look) Yeah, something like that, er, uh, how do you separate out those with er, uh, Aruba assets from those uh, er, who…
**O: Let’s don’t even mention the rich this time. Makes us look bad anyway, since we’re all rich and the little people, where most of the votes are, don’t like that. Let’s save that for the last debate, when folks won’t even be watching by that time. That comes on the same time as on Monday night football – NFL – nobody misses that. I had to put off my huge “Jobs Speech” last year because Boehner said so and I had to postpone the state-of-the-union in 2010 so folks could watch “Lost,” whatever that was.
**B: D’ya suppose Peyton Manning will be in the audience – the best thing that’s happened to Denver in…
**K: Which reminds me. Denver is the mile-high city…
**B: Whoopee…that’s what I call gettin’ real #%&^$#*# high…
**K: Not that kind of high, Joe. I’m talking altitude here. Maybe you’d better do some deep-breathing exercises, Mr. President. That thin air could cause oxygen deprivation of the brain and you could wind up stumbling into truth and that might not be…
**B: I’ll be there, too, so I’m all for it. Let’s break out some #%&^$#*# beers and start practicing right now.
**O: Cheers!
**B: Cheers!
**K: Gotta get home to Teresa and the escargot and a phone call to Aruba…all that cash!
**C: Cheers!
**O, K, C: (three hours later) z-z-z-z-z-z-z