From the office of the Congressional Black Caucus, the Honorable Elijah E. Cummings, chair
***First, a word of appreciation for the kind words expressed toward me by many of you with respect to my reading part of Matthew 25 to the president during that TV photo-op right after Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. Actually, I meant to read part of Jonah, since it had to do with lots of water and a big fish like the republican party swallowing that little prophet that the smaller republican sailors had thrown overboard; however, I discovered that Jonah was prejudiced against the Ninevites, didn’t want to save them in the first place, and then got all mad and pouted under a tree when God saved the whole city, so I turned to Matthew and read about the sheep and goats, with the clear meaning that President Bush was a goat and ordered right straight into hell because he didn’t take care of the least of these, meaning all black folk in New Orleans. I apologize for stumbling over some of the words, but I hadn’t read that passage for a long time and couldn’t get through to the Rev. Jesse Jackson or the Rev. Al Sharpton to find out how to pronounce some of the words. I’ve had a video of this affair entered into the Congressional Record, with an explanation that the sheep headed for heaven are direct descendents of the first sheep in the Garden of Eden, which was located in what is now Zimbabwe. NOTE: It’s okay to claim that the Garden of Eden was located where Baghdad is now, as white historians and theologians do, since the president has captured it and is persecuting its people, such effort actually being an attack on God and making the “religious right” look mighty bad for the elections next year.
***There have been some inquiries regarding the MILLION MORE MARCH to be held on the Mall in Washington on October 15, most of them having to do with the possibility of unseemliness connected to the affair account of its organizer and bankroller, Louis Farrakhan, being a Muslim and therefore supporter of the insurgents and suicide/homicide bombers that have killed some African-American soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq. Please be advised that both the Rev. Jesse Jackson and the Rev. Al Sharpton have come out in favor of this activity, explaining that both Farrakhan’s god and the Judeo-Christian God of most black folk, if living on Earth, would be black democrats and therefore entitled to special consideration, if not outright permanence and preeminence with regard to all affirmative-action matters, especially quotas. Moreover, Minister Farrakhan is primarily responsible for producing evidence that the U.S. Navy Seals, on orders from the president, planted explosives underwater in order to destroy the levees as an act of aggression against the black folk of New Orleans. Super-rapper Kanye West, in explaining the debacle of New Orleans, has courageously pointed out that the president does not care for black folk anywhere. Minister Farrakhan also has unlimited resources courtesy of Libyan President Qadaffi, his soul brother, thus being able to finance the affair without asking any black folk to take up offerings at Jackson and Sharpton church-appearances, where strict accounting procedures are not always in place, notwithstanding the fact that Minister Farrakhan has promised that any funds donated through churches would not be used to support mistresses or their children or buy $300,000-houses for them in California, and that none would be sent to Al Qaeda. Caution: Anyone on any representative’s staff referring to Minister Farrakhan as “Calypso Louie” is to be immediately terminated.
***With the advent of the House committee investigating the New Orleans catastrophe have come remarks from many sectors, especially accruing to former FEMA director Brown’s testimony, to the effect that New Orleans Mayor Nagin and Louisiana Governor Blanco must have been eating suspect mushrooms or spoiled gumbo in the days before Katrina hit, since they seemed not to be aware of reality. These remarks must stop if attached to anyone connected with the CBC, including all staff, and must be countered if coming from others, especially white people, either inside or outside Congress. Mayor Nagin, a highly respected democrat, is known to be especially offended by accusations that he made no effort to get helpless nursing-home residents or elderly hospital patients out to safety before Katrina did its damage. He exerted considerable effort in telephoning the nursing homes and hospitals – even during his dinner hour – and urging all the old folk to grab their oxygen bottles and crutches, pack a lunch, and head for the Superdome on the double. Governor Blanco, a highly respected democrat, asked for only 24 hours to consider whether or not to send in the troops, and should be complimented upon her decisiveness. It should be remembered, however, that Mayor Nagin might consider a run for governor in the near future, so rhetoric should be fashioned concerning the governor so that the mayor profits by comparison.
***With respect to the latest upheaval caused by Hurricane Rita, emphasis is to be placed on blaming FEMA for being slow, but also on the president for perhaps contributing to the path of the hurricane, in the first place. A CBC staffer has discovered that Fidel Castro, probably seeing the president overwhelmingly blamed for Katrina’s problems and seeing an opening to add to the criticism, called in three dependable cab-drivers known for their scientific expertise, and ordered them to guide the hurricane to the area of the greatest number of oil wells and refineries, which they did, causing the price of gas to spike and infuriating the public, thus guaranteeing success at the polls next year. A black paper detailing the president’s culpability resulting in his liability in this matter is being prepared at CBC headquarters and will be available soon. Its accuracy will be checked by Dan Rather, so that there can be no questions as to the facts. In mentioning Rita, do not – repeat – do NOT mention that Governor Jeb Bush was using planes in evacuating nursing homes and hospitals while Rita was still just a tropical storm, or that the Texas governor and other Texas officials managed to evacuate two million people before it made landfall. Since Mayor Nagin did not evacuate anyone, even by buses and needing to handle only a fourth as many people, this matter should not be mentioned. If it is mentioned in any press conference, Governor Blanco is to be blamed for not acting like Governor Bush and the Texas folk.
***Kudos to Congressman Rangel for setting up campaign strategy in the coming elections by comparing the president to Bull Connor in our just-finished conference, using levees as the instrument of torture the same way Connor did with dogs and fire hoses in Birmingham. The details have yet to be worked out, since one can’t swing levees like fire hoses or leash levees like dogs and yell, “Sic ’em.” Also, plans are in the works to prove that the president ordered helicopter pilots to cause far more downdraft than necessary in rescue operations in New Orleans in order to scare the rescued, thus instigating harassment of black folk. Since something like 10,000 folk were rescued, this means all kinds of charges – maybe up to a million. There’s been mention of a class action suit based on these tactics, too, with such elements as dirt in the eyes causing physical harm, loss of sanity through fear, loss of job through loss of sanity through fear, etc. A black paper will be issued soon with details.