Biden Dropkicks Tonsils

One who seeks expert opinion on a subject is wise to consult…well, an expert. Those seeking expertise in judging the democrat presidency-candidates for 2008 could hardly do better than to consult someone owning 34 years in the U.S. Senate, certainly an expert…Senator Joe Biden. Initially, one must erase any bias Biden – himself a candidate – might have by getting Biden’s take on Biden. In a recent interview with the New York Observer, Biden mentioned that an “aggressive advocate with rough edges might be just what the party needs right now.” So…Biden on Biden is that he’s a tough, rough-edged, aggressive hombre, Kemo Sabe! That’s not bias, of course…just the facts, ma’am, though some might say he “dropkicked his tonsils” (euphemism for hoof ’n mouth).

To make the above point as poignantly as possible, Biden referred to the unsuccessful candidates in 2000 and 2004 as “perfect blow-dried,” about as effeminate as it gets, notwithstanding that both Al Gore and John Kerry at least saw Vietnam back in the sixties, while Biden has never worn the uniform. Biden explained that G and K just “couldn’t connect,” whatever that means…maybe the dots everyone’s been talking about since the 9/11 Commission did its duty.

With seven positives and two potentials and no telling how many more, the democrats have sort of formed a circular firing squad of candidates, with Senator Clinton in the middle right now, though the firing is haphazard and candidate mass-murder looms darkly. About Clinton, the prime target, Biden said, “nothing but disaster,” regarding her position on Iraq. He even quoted her: “We’re going to teach the Iraqis a lesson.” What does he expect from someone who insists it takes a village to raise a child? Shouldn’t a big, strong country teach a small, weak country, thereby saving it for all posterity…maybe even grant it minimum wage in the bargain?

Even lowering his voice, according to NYO, Biden said, “Everyone in the world knows her.” What did he mean by that? Other than implying that hubby Bill had all but broken arms to line up support, he didn’t say, but the aura of scandal must have hung heavy in the tete-a-tete with NYO, with bated breath not satisfied, however. Biden didn’t tell all, but the thought has been planted. Is she sending signals perhaps according to code keyed into the color of her pants-suit on a given day…or night? Interesting.

Concerning Senator Obama, Biden opined, “I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy.” Well…African-Americans have been around for some 400 years, but Biden was astute enough to recognize that one of them finally “made it.” Biden expressed doubt that anyone who had been in the Senate for only four years could hardly have the gravitas of a Cheney, for instance, famous for it in 2000. Of course, Obama has been in the Senate for only two years, which means he couldn’t have voted for the Iraq War, while Clinton and Edwards did…so four sounds better, even if untrue. The word is that teeth-gnashing was heard all over Chicago and New York by the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton, respectively, when apprised of Biden’s critique of Obama (referred to as Osama by Senator Kennedy – still waterlogged, apparently – about two years ago). At least Biden got his name right.

Biden said this about John Edwards, the veep candidate in 2004: “I don’t think John Edwards knows what the heck he is talking about.” He even said that Edwards speaks “fluffernutter,” which, unfortunately, is not defined in the dictionary. “Fluff” is defined as something inconsequentiall and “nutter” as British slang for nut. So…fluffernutter – if it were defined – would probably be foolishness by a nutcase, to put it rather indelicately. Since Edwards has made a number of fortunes by using his wits and not using fluffernutter in the courtroom in the process, while Biden has admitted plagiarizing an Irishman’s speech in 1988, apparently for want of anything better in Americanese (everything too inconsequential) in an effort to guard against fluffernutter-speak of his own, one has to give the senator high marks for semantic discernment.

The expert has spoken about some of the candidates, including himself, but, as is often the case for a candidate, Biden spent the next day after offering his selective critiques in “apology mode,” undoing (or un-saying) what he has already said (okay…misspoken, sounds better). Hearing the honing of the long knives of the NAACP, he was especially careful to apologize to Senator Obama, about whom he said: "a superstar, the most exciting candidate this party has had in a long time." Two years of this! Egad!