The Georgia Attacker

Broadcast recently on WSB-TV in Atlanta, Georgia, herewith is posted a statement so profound in its implications that it should be transmitted around the world so that it will be known internationally that the police in Washington, D.C., are expected to perform at levels of law enforcement far superior to any that can be imagined elsewhere: "It is ... a shame that while I conduct the country's business, I have to stop and call the police to tell them that I've changed my hairstyle so that I'm not harassed at work." This statement (or was it part of a “working memorandum” from somewhere?) was made recently by Cynthia McKinney, U.S. congressperson or congress-madam or congresswoman or congress-coed from the Fourth District of Georgia. The occasion that triggered the remark was the physical stopping of Ms. McKinney by a policeman as she was illegally bypassing a metal detector in a Washington office-building after being warned three times to cease and desist, shape up, and do the right thing by emptying her purse of all metal and doing her duty. She responded by whacking the policeman with her cell phone – a nice shot to his chest that ought to be worth a cool million in a civil suit on the grounds of mental suffering, emotional trauma, a bruised sternum, and a crushed pack of expensive cigarettes

In a press conference after the affair had been made public, Ms. McKinney appeared with “Yellow Bird” Harry Bellefonte and actor Danny Glover, who have recently returned from a love-in with Venezuelan Head-Honcho Hugo Chavez, where Bellefonte proclaimed to one and all that President Bush is the greatest terrorist and tyrant in the world. Why it was important for these gentlemen to appear at the PR clambake is not known, but one wonders why McKinney didn’t wait long enough for the arrival of the Right Reverend Honorable Louis Farrakhan (known familiarly as “Calypso Louie”), and the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to join the group, a gathering apparently formed to turn the policeman into some sort of “ogre-under-the-bridge” type ready to burst upon the scene and destroy congressional females who haven’t reported a change in hairstyle. In any case, with Louie and Harry to furnish some spirituals with a “banana boat” beat and the reverends to offer sermons, there could have been a revival of gigantic proportions coupled with a Hate-Bush rally that would have gladdened the likes of Kim Jong Il in North Korea and Saddam, kneeling on his prayer rug in the International Airport Hilton in Baghdad and complaining about the figs.

According to the Washington Post, McKinney said this in a radio interview following 9/11: “We know there were numerous warnings of the events to come on September 11th. . . . What did this administration know and when did it know it, about the events of September 11th? Who else knew, and why did they not warn the innocent people of New York who were needlessly murdered? . . . What do they have to hide?” Maybe this explains the whole thing. The policeman was white, as is George Bush, so the natural conclusion to be drawn is that the policeman had planned all along to attack her, an innocent black woman, but grabbed her arm instead of flying an airplane into her, thus not ending her life then and there. If he had used a box-cutter on her carotid artery, she would never have had to worry about her coif again, but he probably was not a Moslem on his way to the 72 virgins and so had not been taught the niceties of murder, mass or otherwise.

Said the congress-lady, "This whole incident was instigated by the inappropriate touching and stopping of me, a female black congresswoman." So…did that policeman make a move on the lady right there in a public hallway in full view of at least two witnesses (both subpoenaed to appear before a grand-jury circus) and probably some video cameras? Could it be that the new hairstyle simply whipped up an intense passion that he simply couldn’t handle? On the other hand, according to CNN, Ms. McKinney also said that the issue behind her confrontation with the Capitol Police officer was "racial profiling." So…which was it – passion or profiling…or both? In a draft of a statement McKinney did not release, she said the officer "body-blocked" her during the incident. Body-blocking? The only place where such as that is appropriate is either in the National Football League or a marine boot camp, so McKinney might at least have had the good grace to land on her derriere (satisfying the objective of a body-block) instead of trying to put the policeman on his.

According to CNN, McKinney and her attorneys insist that Capitol Police officers should be trained to recognize all 535 members of Congress on sight. As for the members of Congress, many, if not most, don’t even recognize each other even when sober…but apparently the lady from Georgia expected to be recognized immediately, never mind that Washington is about 60% black (at least in 2000), so she doesn’t actually stand out in a crowd there. One wonders how many guys – white or black – take much notice of a woman’s hairdo (her figure maybe, but her hair?); however, apparently McKinney thinks that a change in hairdo is absolutely unmistakable and subject to instant internalizing by the male-policeman mind. She HAD changed her hairdo – sort of looked like the lady who arranged it might have plugged it into a wall-socket, judging from her appearance on TV and her pictures in the papers. Of course, it could have just been a windy day or she might have collided with an 18-wheeler. Putting it kindly, her hair was standing on end and actually WAS noticeable; however, even noticeable hair has to go through the detector when its wearer is not wearing her ID badge.

The episode of McKinney will no doubt lead to the establishing of a new agency in the D.C. Police Department or the Courts or the Congress to deal with the problem. The rumor is that Senators Kennedy and Durbin are suggesting a Court Hair-Adjustment Oversight System (CHAOS, for short) to be responsible to the Judiciary Committee in its capacity relative to overseeing everything that happens in Washington.

And so it goes.